based on strategies from Response-Ability Parenting, authored by Davis Facilitator Elizabeth Currie Shier
As parents of neurodivergent children, we always learn and adapt to meet our child's unique needs. It's a path that involves more than just our close family—it includes babysitters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other caring adults who interact with our child. Although they mean well, their actions can sometimes make things harder, especially when they have their own ideas about managing difficult behaviours.
Understanding different views
It's important to recognise that every adult who plays a part in your child's life has their own experiences and beliefs about raising children. These views can be deeply set and might not match the latest methods or the strategies you are learning from courses about neurodivergent children. For example, some older people might find it hard to accept new ways of handling certain behaviours.
Communicating your approach
Talking clearly is essential. It's important to talk about your child's needs and your methods with other adults when it's quiet and there are no distractions. Tell them about the good changes you've seen and how they can help continue this improvement. For example, if you've been using praise to encourage good behaviour, explain how this has worked and how they can do it too.
Here’s how you might handle these talks:
Choose a good time and place: Look for a quiet time to talk, perhaps when the children aren't around, to make sure the conversation is calm and focused.
Be clear and detailed: Tell them about the methods you are using, like not paying attention to bad behaviours and praising good ones. Give clear examples of how these approaches have helped your child.
Ask for help; don't demand: People are more likely to respond positively when asked for help rather than told what to do. Frame your talk as asking for their support.
Give practical examples: If a babysitter is taking your child out, explain how getting ready for outings in advance can help manage behaviours effectively.
Using written communication
Sometimes direct talks can be hard or awkward, especially if it involves sensitive topics like behaviour management. In such cases, consider writing an email or letter. This gives the other person time to think about what you’ve said without needing to respond right away. Your message might look like this:
"Dear [Name], I hope you're well. We are so proud of how well Johnny is doing on your football team. He really enjoys learning from you, and we know you have worked really hard to improve his skills. We also know he can be a handful! We see how patient you’ve been.
Managing [Child's Name]'s behaviours can be challenging, but we've started to see positive changes with a new approach we're learning. For example, we’ve been focusing on praising good behaviour, which has made him more polite and focused. We believe your support can help these improvements continue. Could we count on you to help us with this during your time with him? Your involvement would mean a lot to us and even more to him.”
Note: see how the letter begins by praising the adult’s attempts and how important the adult is to the child and family. This is an important way of validating the efforts that the person is already making to engage with your child's needs.
Preparing for resistance
Be ready for some resistance, as change can be hard. Talk about the benefits you've noticed. If using methods from courses like 'Response-Ability Parenting' or 'Davis Parent Power — Harmony At Home', reassure them that these new approaches are based on the latest understanding of neurodiversity and child psychology.
Keeping the conversation going
Lastly, keep talking to each other. Let other adults share what they see and experience. This can make them feel involved and valued, and you might learn something useful from what they say.
By handling these talks well, you aim to create a consistent and supportive environment for your child, using all the love and help that your wider family and friends can provide. By guiding them gently and giving them the right tools and information, you help build a united team that greatly helps your child's growth and happiness.
Join our brand-new parent communication course for neurodivergent families, authored for us by Elizabeth Currie Shier!
Learn how to communicate with your neurodivergent child in ways that foster new, positive behaviours and harmony across the whole family. Simple, step-by-step approach. Flexible payment options that won't challenge your Christmas finances!
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